too bad you live with your parents still
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
