I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
