Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
