so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
