no, he came in my armpit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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