I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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