Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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