We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
