hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
