Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
