Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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