Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
