He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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