He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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