i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
