how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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