he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
