He is an equal opportunity slut.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
