then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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