I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
