He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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