Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
are you so shy because you have an std?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
