you guys were way drunker than both of me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
