hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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