i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
