First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I pour the whiskey from now on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
