Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
