dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
