You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
