hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
