dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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