i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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