The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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