yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
