I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
