R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
