guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
