There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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