plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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