i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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