I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
