I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
