Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
