from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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