Pants 0. Shit 1.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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