i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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