my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
