Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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