The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
