What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
