shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
