Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
