Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
