Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
