I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
